You wake up. You walk to the bathroom. You catch yourself in the mirror.
And for a split second, before your brain fully wakes up, you forget what you look like.
Then you see it. The body that doesn't match. The stomach that's too round. The shape that's too... everything you don't want it to be.
You look away. You've gotten good at that.
You tell yourself "I'll start Monday." You tell yourself "I just need to eat less." You tell yourself "maybe I'm just not meant to look like that."
But here's what you don't tell anyone:
You've been looking at photos of other femboys for months. Maybe years. You save them. You study them. You imagine what it would feel like to have a body like that - slim waist, soft curves, a shape that actually matches who you are inside.
You buy clothes that would look amazing... on someone else. They arrive. You try them on. Your stomach ruins it. The waistband cuts in. The crop top shows everything you're trying to hide.
Back in the closet they go. Literally.
You spend $15, $25, $40 on DoorDash because cooking feels overwhelming and honestly, what's the point if you don't know what you should even be eating? At least the food feels good for a few minutes.
$200, $300, $350 a month. Gone. And your body just gets worse.
You see other femboys at pride, at conventions, online. They look confident. They look comfortable. They look like they were born that way.
"Must be genetics," you think. "Must be nice."
You don't know that most of them felt exactly like you do right now. You don't know that the body you want is actually possible. You don't know that the only thing standing between you and that reality is having someone who actually understands what you're trying to achieve finally show you how.
And you definitely don't know this:
Every month you stay stuck in this feeling, your body gets a little harder to change. Your metabolism slows down. Your habits get more entrenched. The gap between who you are and who you see in the mirror gets wider.
And the worst part? You start to believe it's permanent.